There's No Place Like Home

*Warning: this one is long and a bit of a downer but I would be lying if I pretended like everything is happiness and sunshine all of the time. ;) Feel free to skip this post if you want and check back in next week for the usual crafty posts.*

Homesickness has been hitting me pretty hard lately. When we first moved to Minnesota in March of 2008 it was an exciting new chapter of our lives. We made new friends, discovered new places and fell in love with the natural beauty of Minnesota. We didn't think we would ever want to move back to Illinois.

Two years ago, thinking that this was where we were going to live permanently, we decided to buy a house. We were drawn to this neighborhood where we felt like we could make a difference in our neighbor's lives and where our son could grow up surrounded by diversity. Unfortunately it is on a really busy street with lots of foot traffic and last Summer this big city started to close in on us. We don't have anywhere to go and get away from it all. We found a quiet spot on the river that we like but it's just not the same as being able to relax in your own backyard. During our trips to visit Shelby's parent's out in the country, we have realized how much we long for the quiet, privacy, and space that you just can't find in a city this size.

Things also changed with Shelby's job this last year. The company has grown a lot and Shelby was given a promotion which was awesome! It has meant longer hours but it isn't a big deal since he has a home office that he works out of. The problem is that it has also meant more traveling. It's not all the time and it was worth it for him to be able to move up in the company but it's still hard and it has made me realize something that I really already knew: my husband is the only reason this city ever felt like home.

Home is wherever the two of us are together and when he is gone it makes me realize how lonely I feel in this city. Don't get me wrong, we have made lots of amazing friends here it's just that...they're not family. Being far away from family has gotten harder on Jeremy the older he gets and he is constantly talking about how much he misses them and asking when we are going to visit them again. I not only miss the relationships with our families but I also miss having people we can depend on for anything big or small without feeling like a burden. People who will come help Shelby move a heavy piece of furniture or watch Jeremy whenever we need it and not just during certain hours or come over just to hang out without it having to be a big event scheduled weeks in advance.

I not only miss my family...I also really miss these two:

Becky and Keith, my two best friends who are more like family than most of my blood relatives. I know that I could call on either one of them for anything - big or small. We are comfortable enough to hang out and not worry about entertaining each other. We can go out and do something or just hang out at home and watch tv. We can talk about anything and everything or sit in comfortable silence.

Keith would do anything he could to make sure I am safe. He was the one who had the "big brother talk" with Shelby when we announced our engagement. Becky is the first person I call when I need company. She is always up for a sleepover when Shelby is out of town and I don't want to be alone. They have been there for me through the good times and the bad. They have seen the worst of me and still love me anyway.

If we end up staying in Minnesota, I may eventually be able to become as good of friends with people as I am with them but it definitely takes time. Part of me worries that I may never have those kinds of friends here. I have social anxiety disorder (basically an extreme form of shyness that has also contributed to my phobia of driving which is a long story for another day) and it takes a long time for me to be 100% comfortable with people.

When I met Becky and Keith we were young and had all the time in the world to hang out and really get to know each other. At this age, every one is busy with work and kids and many of my friends have gone back to school on top of all of their other obligations. We are lucky if we get to hang out for a few hours every other month. When you have a hard time opening up to people like I do, it is really difficult to build a close relationship in such a small amount of time. Because of my shyness, it is also stressful for me to hang out with people one-on-one. I am constantly worried about having to entertain them and come up with things to talk about. It's not so bad if there is a third person around but trying to coordinate three schedules is always difficult.

I have also been experiencing chronic lower abdominal pain for a couple of months which has put me in a bit of a funk and I think it is also contributing to my homesickness. Anyway, we have talked about it a lot and have decided to put our house on the market in Spring 2013. We are hoping that by then an opportunity to transfer back to Illinois will open up. At the very least, even if we stay in Minnesota, we hope to move to a quiet little neighborhood in the suburbs. Maybe there we will have a bit more privacy and room to relax. We might feel a little safer and not so alone. We won't have to spend thirty minutes in traffic just to run to a store. Maybe we will even make some friends right next door.

Either way, for the next two years I am focusing on doing what I can to be ready for the move. Fixing up the house to make it more enjoyable while we are here as well as a little easier to sell. We are also working hard to pay off debt and build our savings account so that we have enough money for all of the selling and moving fees. Hopefully by working towards our goal of moving, it will make the homesickness a little easier to deal with.